Life Update: Looking back on 2016. Moving forward.
I wanted to write a brief life summary of 2016 and what I’m hoping to achieve in 2017. So 2016 started off with me in college, I was studying subjects which I just picked because it was my only option. I would like to say I’m quite bright when it comes to education, however my biggest weakness is PROCRASTINATION. I am so bad when it comes to revision. In my first year of college, I passed (I don’t know how!) I did well and got pretty good grades. I was starting off quite okay, or so I thought. Really deep down I didn’t have a clue what kind of career I wanted to go in. It always stressed me out. What made it worse was that all my friends knew what they wanted to do. I was so unsure and annoyed at myself that I didn’t have a clue what I wanted to be and when you’re surrounded by people who had their future plans sorted it made it a lot more difficult.
Moving forward a couple of months I started my second year. September came and everyone was sorting out there UNI application through UCAS. (I hate UCAS!) Around that time whilst everyone was applying, I was trying to push that thought in the back of my head. Everyone has a defence mechanism mine is to push the bad thoughts and bad feelings at the back of wherever my head goes. In October I went to Pakistan to celebrate my sister’s wedding I went for 2 weeks. Obviously it was during college time and I was going to miss 2 weeks worth of classes! But Pakistani parents are like that, they freaking book it at the wrong time! I obviously couldn’t miss my sister’s wedding so I went. This was a great excuse to try not to do my Uni application. I think me pushing the dreaded stuff at the back of my mind links to procrastinating. I was so conflicted with what I wanted to do in Uni. I didn’t want to choose something with a dead end job after graduation and the course I wanted to do, I didn’t have enough experience or the right qualifications.
I think it’s a huge pressure for a 16 year old to choose what career path they want to do in the future. With me not knowing what I wanted to do and the application deadline coming closer, I also had the weight of my parents on my shoulders. Every Asian parent wants their child to grow up being bright and having an amazing job! They are strict with education and really want you to do well. It was a huge burden and pressure for me. I opted on applying at the last minute with a course I was 50/50 on. I got 3 declines and 2 interviews. But after the interviews I got declined by my last 2 Uni choices. I was stuck. “Shit, what will my family say” “Crap Im the first one to not go to Uni” What did I do? I kept it a secret. I dreaded telling my siblings who have all graduated and couldn’t tell my parents who were always proud of me. I thought I’d wait and decide to go through clearing. Which was my last option. I told everyone I got 2 places in Uni if I got the grades. Exam season came and ended. Results day came near and I dreaded the day. I knew I wouldn’t get the grades and I wouldn’t get into the clearing courses and I was right. I did shit.
I figured I was not ready to go to UNI at all! What would I do? I have never worked, I’ve never gone on a train and I was the least confident person ever. So I decided to take a gap year to get my thoughts and decisions sorted. I vowed I’d get myself a job to start the “new me” and I did. I started to work in Debenhams as a Christmas temp which I enjoyed. I liked doing something other than lying on my bed and eating and I like being able to make money and buy stuff for myself. I was happier at this point in time. I finished working there on the 7th of January and currently have 2 interviews for a new job. My experience is starting to build up. I have had a touch of being free and not worrying about exams or coursework. I started off in a shitty bubble where I was stuck. It’s 2017 and now I have a slight direction in what I want to do as a career. I’m applying for a course which will hopefully take me there (if I get into it) and in all honesty I’m a lot more confident with life.
I had that mindset that my parents will be disappointed that I didn’t get in. and I had the mindset of I HAVE to go to Uni after college there is no other choice. (If you don’t have brown parents you might think I’m being weird, but trust me they are pushy when they need to be) I finally realised there’s loads of choices that I can make and I can take my time with Uni. I can apply when I’m happy with a course and when I’m ready. I’m no longer in a shitty controlling bubble, I don’t care that I may be years behind my friends and I’m just loads more happier right now.
My goals of 2017 are:
- Getting into the course I want
- Get another job
- Travel more
- Book a spa day!