Urghhhh: I’m On My Period.

Periods

PMS: PISSY MOOD SYNDROME

PERIODS, the shit all women go through. I’ve been having these for 7 years now. and I still haven’t gotten used to them. I can’t deal with the blood, the mess and the pain. 7 years of it and I can still say I hate them. if someone came to me and said to me they enjoy being on their periods then I would advise them to get therapy. 

Everyone goes through different things when they are PMSing. These are the few things I go through when I’m on my periods.

1) Shitty Luck

I always get “that feeling” so of course I wanna be prepared for it, so I get a pad on before I actually come on. 1 day goes nope, no blood, 2 days: Still no blood. 3 days: Not even a drop of blood.

Me: So that’s 3 Pads I’ve wasted.  No way do I wanna waste anymore.

So I don’t wear any the next day. But just my luck that’s the day I’m on and I’m not prepared. It comes to you like a fucking volcano out of no where.

 

2) Dreaded Baths  

I’m having a bath which is fine, not an ounce of blood comes out when the taps are on and the water is running. But when that water stops I’m rushing out of that bath, like there’s no tomorrow, because I know that’s when shit starts to go crazy. I need to quickly get that pad stuck on my vagina, So there’s nothing flowing everywhere. The only thing on my mind is jump out, dry myself, get my pants on and stick that god damn pad on. But the second I jump out of that bath. It all goes wrong.

3) Makeshift pad

Do you ever have that day when your period comes early, but you don’t have any pads at home?

Yeah, well I have those days all the time.

It’s like 9 pm and I’m doing my usual routine when the unexpected guest starts to arrive. My problem isn’t the fact that they are a week early, but I have no freaking pads at home! All the shops are closed. So what do I do? I do the manoeuvre called “The makeshift pads” We women are so creative that we can make our own pads. With tissues. Yes, I know it’s gross. But what else am I meant to do? We need to layer that shit up as well and I’m all sorted. Until I wake up the next morning and I’m dreading to clean this shit up!

4) Personal Paranoia

In a Pakistani household, we don’t talk about Periods, Bras, Vaginas, Waxing or anything that makes the guys squirm. I’ve just learned to be like that so when it comes to pad changing I get a bit paranoid. I’m in the toilet, changing my pad, but my brains like “Shit, what if my bro can hear the rustling of the pad. Fuck! “

So I turn on the bath tap and the sink tap so it’s louder than the actual rustling and because I’m so cautious, I’ll also flush the toilet as well just in case. After I’ve done that now I need to make this purple pad package really discreet in the bin. So I’m folding that packet into the tiniest piece of square and then wrap it in tissue because my brain just thinks like that. In reality the guys in my house couldn’t give 2 shits.

5) You call these painkillers?

Women have been having periods for ages yet these cramps are getting worse. Surely someone in the world has discovered real painkillers that actually help by relieving these cramps because mate, I’m giving up on paracetamol’s and feminax. Ok, I get there’s bigger cures to discover but if I hear another guy come up to me and say “Deal with it” scientists will have to find a new cure after they discover what I do to him.

6) Sweat or Wet?

When I know my period is coming I’m just aware and awake. When I feel some kind of sign, then I know I need to whack something down there straight away. But why do they come at the wrong time and at the wrong place. I’m in some jump arena, having the time of my life. This is the 1st time I’m doing exercise. Until suddenly I feel something wet.

Me: “Maybe I’m just sweating from this workout”

“Wait, I don’t sweat down there”

“Shit not now”

*Goes to the toilet* 

ME*

ME*

7) WORK WITH ME 

Back on to surprise blood attack. My periods always come on when I’m wearing a nice new underwear, I bought the other day. They never arrive when I’m wearing my granny pants. Like come on WORK WITH ME.

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So here are my personal period problems. I just want to say to every woman out there. I UNDERSTAND! I hate them as well. but we women are strong and are able to go through this shit every month.
Can you relate to any of these period stories?

OnceUponAJayJay x

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